I have not forgotten you, nor left you behind. I haven't been feeling well and still have not started a new blog. I have been feeling disconnected, too. Sick and disconnected. They go together. I know this feeling - this place... it's productive. As has always been, I end up sending myself away to extinguish certain things in order to function. I can't work when that does not happen. I guess allergies and infections are bound to follow because of how it happens. There is nothing else I can do. Too many very strong walls, and so I drift... I feel it happening. I know about it this time (for right now, anyway).
I assume I'll drift back this way. And you will be the first to know. I still intend to start a new blog. For anyone who hasn't stopped in for a while, please see the last post for info about a new blog. For those who have already left their email address, you're not being left behind, but... I think I am. I am assuming it is only temporary.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Are you 'portable'? Can I bring you with me?
edited to add: Wednesday, October 8, 2:00 A.M.
Hello, Connecticut. You forgot to leave your email address in your comment. :-)
In the next day or two, I will send out the invites. I'm struggling, or I'd set it up right now. Still, the sooner the better. Anyone who hasn't yet left their email address in comments is still welcome to do so. Even if I already have an address for you, I have decided to sent invites only to those who leave their email address in comments because I don't want anyone to feel obligated to read my blog. I know some of my stuff is scary, depressing, and opinionated, so if you have been stopping by out of some misplaced obligation or some kind of guilt or sense of duty, I hereby proclaim you liberated from this stuff. And please know that I enjoyed your company when you were here. Now go, live, and forget about me. You're free. :-) I'll be fine.
I have pretty much decided to go the route of a new blog. I will leave this one here. One last word to any survivors who happen along from a link or a search engine -- Don't let anybody squash your truth. Don't let them tell you how you should feel. Your feelings are yours and no one has a right to ban them. If you feel anger, remember that it is normal and just another feeling. Remember that those who are not healed themselves may try to villanize it. They might also demand that you forgive and understand your abusers. You don't owe that level of understanding to anyone but yourself. Be true to yourself. And beware of unenlightened therapists who use tricky spiritual or religious concepts to find sneaky ways (karma, destiny, etc.) to blame you for the harm that has come your way and stop you from complaining about it. They do this because they have not dealt with their own pain and have no room for yours. Worst of all, some might try to get you to see that the abuse was not ALL BAD; that something good came of it. I call bullshit. Anything you salvaged for yourself and others is a credit to YOU, not to abuse. Remember, an open mind is good, but it must be protected, so beware of falling garbage. Are you struggling now, survivor? When you struggle, know that you are not all alone. I struggle, too. Many do. Please keep trying, okay? I'm going to. Maybe someday I will come back in here and let future wanderers know how it all worked out. Thanks for reading.
I've been having computer problems. My whole system crashed last night and I ran several programs, but was not able to repair the problem. I ended up having to wipe the hard drive just to get functionality. Things were much better after that, but the computer was still glitchy. Damn thing sounds just like me, doesn't it? Anyway, I downloaded a new browser, too, so I'm hoping things are fine now.
I've been about as fucked up as my computer. I'm having trouble dealing with things and it's not going away. I can't fix it and I can't write about it here. I don't really want to make this blog private. I may move instead. I will let you all know soon which option I end up choosing. Either way, in order to have a way to ditch the new reader with whom I've become uncomfortable and still keep all of you, I will need to have a contact point. I am putting this blog back on comment moderation for now. I don't have email addresses for most of you. I lost a lot of information when I wiped out the hard drive. If you would like to keep reading, please leave an email address in comments. These comments will not be displayed, so for those of you who do not make your addresses public, they still will not be public. When you do it, please leave your link so I will know that it is really you, and please use a regular computer that will show stats I've seen before so I can be doubly sure. I will email you with a new URL or an invitation for a private blog. Or both. Not very many people have my email address, and I do prefer that right now. I will open a temporary account with which to send the notifications. If you are uncomfortable with sharing your address, you can do something similar. You can open a new email account instead of giving out your main one. If I go private, I think you need to keep the email account you give me in order to log in, though. I'm not sure. Anyone know about that? I can come back into this post with additional information about that at the end of the post if someone provides it to me in private comments. Thanks, pals. Hope to see you all very, very soon.
p.s. To the Telecom Italia reader and the regular reader in Connecticut: I will make an exception for you. Go ahead and leave an address anonymously and sign it either 'Connecticut' or 'Telecom Italia' if you want to. No email addresses will be shared with anyone for any reason and I will dump the unpublished comments from this post after I send the emails telling you all how to find me.
Hello, Connecticut. You forgot to leave your email address in your comment. :-)
In the next day or two, I will send out the invites. I'm struggling, or I'd set it up right now. Still, the sooner the better. Anyone who hasn't yet left their email address in comments is still welcome to do so. Even if I already have an address for you, I have decided to sent invites only to those who leave their email address in comments because I don't want anyone to feel obligated to read my blog. I know some of my stuff is scary, depressing, and opinionated, so if you have been stopping by out of some misplaced obligation or some kind of guilt or sense of duty, I hereby proclaim you liberated from this stuff. And please know that I enjoyed your company when you were here. Now go, live, and forget about me. You're free. :-) I'll be fine.
I have pretty much decided to go the route of a new blog. I will leave this one here. One last word to any survivors who happen along from a link or a search engine -- Don't let anybody squash your truth. Don't let them tell you how you should feel. Your feelings are yours and no one has a right to ban them. If you feel anger, remember that it is normal and just another feeling. Remember that those who are not healed themselves may try to villanize it. They might also demand that you forgive and understand your abusers. You don't owe that level of understanding to anyone but yourself. Be true to yourself. And beware of unenlightened therapists who use tricky spiritual or religious concepts to find sneaky ways (karma, destiny, etc.) to blame you for the harm that has come your way and stop you from complaining about it. They do this because they have not dealt with their own pain and have no room for yours. Worst of all, some might try to get you to see that the abuse was not ALL BAD; that something good came of it. I call bullshit. Anything you salvaged for yourself and others is a credit to YOU, not to abuse. Remember, an open mind is good, but it must be protected, so beware of falling garbage. Are you struggling now, survivor? When you struggle, know that you are not all alone. I struggle, too. Many do. Please keep trying, okay? I'm going to. Maybe someday I will come back in here and let future wanderers know how it all worked out. Thanks for reading.
I've been having computer problems. My whole system crashed last night and I ran several programs, but was not able to repair the problem. I ended up having to wipe the hard drive just to get functionality. Things were much better after that, but the computer was still glitchy. Damn thing sounds just like me, doesn't it? Anyway, I downloaded a new browser, too, so I'm hoping things are fine now.
I've been about as fucked up as my computer. I'm having trouble dealing with things and it's not going away. I can't fix it and I can't write about it here. I don't really want to make this blog private. I may move instead. I will let you all know soon which option I end up choosing. Either way, in order to have a way to ditch the new reader with whom I've become uncomfortable and still keep all of you, I will need to have a contact point. I am putting this blog back on comment moderation for now. I don't have email addresses for most of you. I lost a lot of information when I wiped out the hard drive. If you would like to keep reading, please leave an email address in comments. These comments will not be displayed, so for those of you who do not make your addresses public, they still will not be public. When you do it, please leave your link so I will know that it is really you, and please use a regular computer that will show stats I've seen before so I can be doubly sure. I will email you with a new URL or an invitation for a private blog. Or both. Not very many people have my email address, and I do prefer that right now. I will open a temporary account with which to send the notifications. If you are uncomfortable with sharing your address, you can do something similar. You can open a new email account instead of giving out your main one. If I go private, I think you need to keep the email account you give me in order to log in, though. I'm not sure. Anyone know about that? I can come back into this post with additional information about that at the end of the post if someone provides it to me in private comments. Thanks, pals. Hope to see you all very, very soon.
p.s. To the Telecom Italia reader and the regular reader in Connecticut: I will make an exception for you. Go ahead and leave an address anonymously and sign it either 'Connecticut' or 'Telecom Italia' if you want to. No email addresses will be shared with anyone for any reason and I will dump the unpublished comments from this post after I send the emails telling you all how to find me.
